It feels strange to come back to the world of blogging after such a long absence. It's almost like wandering the halls after you've just graduated high school: everything's barren and empty, and you can't tell if it's for better or worse that everyone's missing.
It's been over eight months since my last post, and looking back on it all now, I can see that the last few weren't that high of quality. Quite frankly, I was a bit ashamed that I let my blogging dissipate into what it did.
Was I going through an extremely difficult time in my life?
Yes.
Did I have to go about it by sounding like a stereotypical whiny teenager?
No, but I wound up doing it anyways. That could be the reason why I retreated from the realm of blogging for so long, so that I could avoid doing that again until I had regained my writing composure. For that, anyone of you reading this has my most sincere apologies.
Thus, my friends and loyal readers (if there are actually any of you left following my long absence), I have returned. Expect a new post (or even two) by night's end, that will tackle some of the serious issues I have been privy to in the past week.
Until then, compadres. Stay tuned, because good things are coming.
10.11.2007
3.31.2007
The Unfamiliar Ceiling, and The Unbroken Silence
It is indeed official. Save for a few sundry items at my old house, which will be obtained shortly, I am completely moved into a new place. It's a good feeling, given the horrors of my old domicile (any of my readers who know me personally and have been to that place know the true gravity of my words).
However, even with this great event, I do not truly feel at ease or completely happy. It extends even beyond the post-moving soreness of moving furniture up stairs, the realization that some small part of you may miss the memories of your old home, or the frustration of trying to rearrange the material contents of your life after boxing them up and throwing them within a new set of walls. It is enough to make escaping the horrid place I once lived seem like a hollow victory...
I still find myself unable to truly sleep, even after the events of over three weeks ago. With the exception of the first night I stayed in Pikeville (which directly followed the dreaded event), I have not slept for over four hours once since then. In actuality, I probably average anywhere from two to three on a given night.
So, at night I am left only with my thoughts, my grief, my love... and of course, the unfamiliar ceiling. Though I've been here since Wednesday, the ceiling is still a stranger to me... One at which I stare for hours on end in the darkness.
However, even in the ennui and twilight when I lay in my bed awake, my gaze does not always remain fixed on the ceiling and all its strange, and sometimes infinite depth. At times, my gaze wanders to the phone... although the ring I hope for does not come.
Rather, there is naught but silence from that phone... But I long for it to ring, for the tune of "I Will" to play once again... So that I could speak to her again, to be able to hear her voice and say anything to her, no matter how absurd or awkward it might be.
Although I doubt that it will truly ring, I still look upon it with hope and a wish... Because if anything, I want to be able to tell her that there is one thing that has not changed...
The feelings that I have had since the day we met...
But, for now, the ceiling remains a mystery and not a sound is to be heard.
However, even with this great event, I do not truly feel at ease or completely happy. It extends even beyond the post-moving soreness of moving furniture up stairs, the realization that some small part of you may miss the memories of your old home, or the frustration of trying to rearrange the material contents of your life after boxing them up and throwing them within a new set of walls. It is enough to make escaping the horrid place I once lived seem like a hollow victory...
I still find myself unable to truly sleep, even after the events of over three weeks ago. With the exception of the first night I stayed in Pikeville (which directly followed the dreaded event), I have not slept for over four hours once since then. In actuality, I probably average anywhere from two to three on a given night.
So, at night I am left only with my thoughts, my grief, my love... and of course, the unfamiliar ceiling. Though I've been here since Wednesday, the ceiling is still a stranger to me... One at which I stare for hours on end in the darkness.
However, even in the ennui and twilight when I lay in my bed awake, my gaze does not always remain fixed on the ceiling and all its strange, and sometimes infinite depth. At times, my gaze wanders to the phone... although the ring I hope for does not come.
Rather, there is naught but silence from that phone... But I long for it to ring, for the tune of "I Will" to play once again... So that I could speak to her again, to be able to hear her voice and say anything to her, no matter how absurd or awkward it might be.
Although I doubt that it will truly ring, I still look upon it with hope and a wish... Because if anything, I want to be able to tell her that there is one thing that has not changed...
The feelings that I have had since the day we met...
But, for now, the ceiling remains a mystery and not a sound is to be heard.
3.16.2007
Thoughts Plucked from the Darkness
I would like to apologize in advance for the long and convoluted nature of this post. It has been far too long since I have written (precisely five months, to the day). However, certain recent events in my life have forced me to reevaluate many concepts, and in light of these, I feel that I must remedy this long absence.
With that warning, let us proceed to the actual post itself, and the subsections therein. And in case you're wondering, the seemingly random titles are picked from movies, books, series, or anything else that has a similar theme to the text. Also, this is one of my more "stream of consciousness" posts, so brace yourselves.
Amestris Revisited
I have found myself in a place which I thought I had finally escaped from. In this place, love, hatred, and sorrow threaten to converge and consume me, and despair pervades everything. But only in the past week I have managed to partially journey out of this desolate corner of my existence.
Mine is an arduous venture. But, it has to be undertaken, lest I fall into the miasma of self-loathing.
And all through my journey, my thoughts have turned to the person responsible for my presence here. And that is where the hatred ends.
For even in these dire times, there is only love present in my memories... even when they are tainted by sorrow.
Yet, I am relieved to be heading away from this place, and that the Gate that threatened me once has never appeared once. Because that path is never to be taken again, by anyone.
Rei III
As I walked through UK's campus a few days ago, I couldn't help but notice the emptiness. Granted, it was spring break, but the isolation pervaded everything. I was the only being for what seemed like miles, other than the occasional squirrel.
I realize that I might have friends to talk to me, keep me company, or even entertain me in the future. They also exist in the present. They may be few in number, but I believe that I can count on them when times of darkness arise...
But even so... Why do I still feel as I did on that day, wandering through a vast, empty wasteland? Why am I constantly looking over my shoulder, as if expecting someone to appear and befriend me? Or perhaps, betray me?
Or am I constantly looking at my past? Though I know I can never stop looking back to the great times I have had, perhaps it is obscuring my vision of what lies before me.
Grace
After my constitutional through campus, I obtained a key to my future. This small thing, fitting minutely within the palm of my hand, will be with me every day from hereon out.
But whatever the situation, whether I am wanted or I am treated as a pariah by those dearest to me, I must collect and find my identity again.
After all, an identity is thought to be the first cognizant thought of sentience.
And I... am Ryan Evans. No matter what may come.
With that warning, let us proceed to the actual post itself, and the subsections therein. And in case you're wondering, the seemingly random titles are picked from movies, books, series, or anything else that has a similar theme to the text. Also, this is one of my more "stream of consciousness" posts, so brace yourselves.
Amestris Revisited
I have found myself in a place which I thought I had finally escaped from. In this place, love, hatred, and sorrow threaten to converge and consume me, and despair pervades everything. But only in the past week I have managed to partially journey out of this desolate corner of my existence.
Mine is an arduous venture. But, it has to be undertaken, lest I fall into the miasma of self-loathing.
And all through my journey, my thoughts have turned to the person responsible for my presence here. And that is where the hatred ends.
For even in these dire times, there is only love present in my memories... even when they are tainted by sorrow.
Yet, I am relieved to be heading away from this place, and that the Gate that threatened me once has never appeared once. Because that path is never to be taken again, by anyone.
Rei III
As I walked through UK's campus a few days ago, I couldn't help but notice the emptiness. Granted, it was spring break, but the isolation pervaded everything. I was the only being for what seemed like miles, other than the occasional squirrel.
I realize that I might have friends to talk to me, keep me company, or even entertain me in the future. They also exist in the present. They may be few in number, but I believe that I can count on them when times of darkness arise...
But even so... Why do I still feel as I did on that day, wandering through a vast, empty wasteland? Why am I constantly looking over my shoulder, as if expecting someone to appear and befriend me? Or perhaps, betray me?
Or am I constantly looking at my past? Though I know I can never stop looking back to the great times I have had, perhaps it is obscuring my vision of what lies before me.
Grace
After my constitutional through campus, I obtained a key to my future. This small thing, fitting minutely within the palm of my hand, will be with me every day from hereon out.
But whatever the situation, whether I am wanted or I am treated as a pariah by those dearest to me, I must collect and find my identity again.
After all, an identity is thought to be the first cognizant thought of sentience.
And I... am Ryan Evans. No matter what may come.
10.14.2006
The Girl... And yes folks, it's spelled with a Y
*Note from the author: I had originally written this post late Friday through Blogger, and mysteriously, the draft disappeared. So, her we have version 2.0 of the first post of my renewed effort to blog.*
And so, I have returned to the land of blogging, after far too long a hiatus. A lot of things have happened in my extended absence, many of them for the better.
A lot of my friends have asked about a certain person in my life, and I would be remiss if I did not illumine my readers to her involvement in my life.
And so, it is very fitting that this first post be dedicated to my muse and inspiration, my love, Jayne.
Meeting her two months ago was the single greatest thing to ever happen to me, and the same feelings of happiness continue to surround us with the same strength. Since our first date, she has become the most important thing in my life and will continue to be.
I love everything about her, and take a great amount of joy in the fact that she feels the same way about me. Everything about her is beautiful; her smile, her voice, the feel of her hand in mine or our arms about one another... I could go on forever...
There are many who have described us as disgustingly cute... And that we are... And proudly so! To those of you who might be gagging right now, you'll just have to get over it.
And now, I address the love of my life personally, as I know she is reading this:
I love you, Jayne. You are everything to me, and every day is completed only when I get to hear your melodious voice and/or see your beautiful face.
I love you.
And so, I have returned to the land of blogging, after far too long a hiatus. A lot of things have happened in my extended absence, many of them for the better.
A lot of my friends have asked about a certain person in my life, and I would be remiss if I did not illumine my readers to her involvement in my life.
And so, it is very fitting that this first post be dedicated to my muse and inspiration, my love, Jayne.
Meeting her two months ago was the single greatest thing to ever happen to me, and the same feelings of happiness continue to surround us with the same strength. Since our first date, she has become the most important thing in my life and will continue to be.I love everything about her, and take a great amount of joy in the fact that she feels the same way about me. Everything about her is beautiful; her smile, her voice, the feel of her hand in mine or our arms about one another... I could go on forever...
There are many who have described us as disgustingly cute... And that we are... And proudly so! To those of you who might be gagging right now, you'll just have to get over it.
And now, I address the love of my life personally, as I know she is reading this:I love you, Jayne. You are everything to me, and every day is completed only when I get to hear your melodious voice and/or see your beautiful face.
I love you.
7.12.2006
As mandated by the esteemed Mr. Shafa...
Since I commented on Dariush's blog, American Twentysomething, I am obligated to re-post this little challenge:
If you comment here:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. I'll pick a song that reminds me of you.
If you do this for me, you have to re-post it on your blog... provided you have one, that is. Dariush threatened fiery deaths if this wasn't done, but I'm a little more merciful.
Do it, or I'll sic Dariush on you. You don't want to be on the receiving end of what may emerge from his mind...
I know it's only a filler, folks. I know I've been silent for nearly a month and a half. All will be explained later.
If you comment here:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. I'll pick a song that reminds me of you.
If you do this for me, you have to re-post it on your blog... provided you have one, that is. Dariush threatened fiery deaths if this wasn't done, but I'm a little more merciful.
Do it, or I'll sic Dariush on you. You don't want to be on the receiving end of what may emerge from his mind...
I know it's only a filler, folks. I know I've been silent for nearly a month and a half. All will be explained later.
5.31.2006
Thunder and Lightning... Very, Very Frightening: Beauty Brings Chaos...
*Note: The first part of this post was originally scrawled out during my lunch break at work, then revised and transposed into the form you now behold. The rest was written exclusively online, and thus might be slightly different on a stylistic level.*
As I began the perilous voyage through downtown Lex Vegas today, I noticed a small, dark cloud formation hovering in the midst of the city, despite the rather ambient nature of the rest of the sky. A few stops later, I heard a monstrous clap of thunder, and turned my gaze back to the clouds.
It was then that I saw it...
Lightning. Not bolts, not completely illuminating flashes, but explosions of lightning igniting admist the heavens.
A sight both beautfiul and terrible to behold. On one hand, it looked to be something that could have heralded the Apocalypse, the coming of Unicron, the summoning of Bahamut, or any other world-destroying event that a movie's investigated, exploited, or ridiculed.
It's moments like these that make me wish that I had my camera with me at all times. The illuminatory display continued on for the remainder of my voyage, accompanied by the resounding orchestra of thunder that shook the glass panes of buildings for miles.
Then, the hell began. The sheer amount of electricity or ionization in the air caused a few brownouts upon my arrival, which effectively disabled the air conditioning in the building.
Let me state outright that working a seven hour shift in an unventilated building, with it's enormous primary windows facing due west into the sunset, is not an exercise in pleasure. Thankfully, I had one of the few true individuals there to keep me company and entertained throughout the evening.
Then the power went out while I was at Common Grounds with Nollard.
Beauty does indeed bring about chaos...
P.S. The blog's been looking somewhat bare lately, with very few comments. I'd appreciate any feedback regarding my writing, even if you're one of the dozens of random, anonymous readers whom I see in my stats everyday. Plus, I like to get to know my readers...
As I began the perilous voyage through downtown Lex Vegas today, I noticed a small, dark cloud formation hovering in the midst of the city, despite the rather ambient nature of the rest of the sky. A few stops later, I heard a monstrous clap of thunder, and turned my gaze back to the clouds.
It was then that I saw it...
Lightning. Not bolts, not completely illuminating flashes, but explosions of lightning igniting admist the heavens.
A sight both beautfiul and terrible to behold. On one hand, it looked to be something that could have heralded the Apocalypse, the coming of Unicron, the summoning of Bahamut, or any other world-destroying event that a movie's investigated, exploited, or ridiculed.
It's moments like these that make me wish that I had my camera with me at all times. The illuminatory display continued on for the remainder of my voyage, accompanied by the resounding orchestra of thunder that shook the glass panes of buildings for miles.
Then, the hell began. The sheer amount of electricity or ionization in the air caused a few brownouts upon my arrival, which effectively disabled the air conditioning in the building.
Let me state outright that working a seven hour shift in an unventilated building, with it's enormous primary windows facing due west into the sunset, is not an exercise in pleasure. Thankfully, I had one of the few true individuals there to keep me company and entertained throughout the evening.
Then the power went out while I was at Common Grounds with Nollard.
Beauty does indeed bring about chaos...
P.S. The blog's been looking somewhat bare lately, with very few comments. I'd appreciate any feedback regarding my writing, even if you're one of the dozens of random, anonymous readers whom I see in my stats everyday. Plus, I like to get to know my readers...
5.30.2006
Fighting The Infestation...
Goddammit...
Not even a half a week after peace has been reestablished in my home, the one who was responsible for the conflict has appeared here again. For the purposes of this post, and any subsequent posts, let's call him The Forbidden One. It does rather reflect my general attitude toward him.
According to Syko, the Forbidden One showed up, unannounced, shortly after I went to sleep on Sunday. Though knowingly unwelcome here, he appeared under the pretense of retrieving his belongings.
Now, for those of you who don't know, the Forbidden One gained my hatred and contempt after being allowed to stay here every night for over two weeks by Proph. In that time, he tried to use myself and Syko as his own taxi service to get to work, even to the point of him somehow obtaining my cell phone number and frequently calling me in the middle of the night for a ride. His calls went unanswered.
Also among his transgressions was the fact that he used my razor, and then tried to deny that it happened. And, the ultimate offense was the fact that Proph allowed him, this king amonst parasites, to store some of his stuff at the house... and did not bother to tell us that he had moved out of his apartment, and had set up base in our basement.
And now, he has been at our house since Sunday. Proph says that she doesn't want him here, but thus far, she has done nothing to get him out. In fact, by constantly hanging out with him and allowing him to stay here, she just seems to be encouraging him to stay!
I don't understand how Proph can keep associating with the Forbidden One. It has been obvious to nearly everyone that has interacted with him that he is a piece of excrement, a parasite on society...
Tonight, there is to be a meeting of the remaining roommates. And the matter of this forbidden parasite is to be dealt with. I rue having to be the bad guy in a situation, much less one as volatile as this. But, I will do what I must...
This is my home, dammit...
And I defend my home... No matter the cost...
Not even a half a week after peace has been reestablished in my home, the one who was responsible for the conflict has appeared here again. For the purposes of this post, and any subsequent posts, let's call him The Forbidden One. It does rather reflect my general attitude toward him.
According to Syko, the Forbidden One showed up, unannounced, shortly after I went to sleep on Sunday. Though knowingly unwelcome here, he appeared under the pretense of retrieving his belongings.
Now, for those of you who don't know, the Forbidden One gained my hatred and contempt after being allowed to stay here every night for over two weeks by Proph. In that time, he tried to use myself and Syko as his own taxi service to get to work, even to the point of him somehow obtaining my cell phone number and frequently calling me in the middle of the night for a ride. His calls went unanswered.
Also among his transgressions was the fact that he used my razor, and then tried to deny that it happened. And, the ultimate offense was the fact that Proph allowed him, this king amonst parasites, to store some of his stuff at the house... and did not bother to tell us that he had moved out of his apartment, and had set up base in our basement.
And now, he has been at our house since Sunday. Proph says that she doesn't want him here, but thus far, she has done nothing to get him out. In fact, by constantly hanging out with him and allowing him to stay here, she just seems to be encouraging him to stay!
I don't understand how Proph can keep associating with the Forbidden One. It has been obvious to nearly everyone that has interacted with him that he is a piece of excrement, a parasite on society...
Tonight, there is to be a meeting of the remaining roommates. And the matter of this forbidden parasite is to be dealt with. I rue having to be the bad guy in a situation, much less one as volatile as this. But, I will do what I must...
This is my home, dammit...
And I defend my home... No matter the cost...
5.29.2006
Time Is Marching On...
Interesting... I've gone over an entire month without updating my blog. How I have let things slide. And for that, dear readers, I apologize...
A number of events occurred one after another in this past month, and managed to snowball into what one of my friends would rather crudely classify as a "gestalt clusterfuck." The last of these events nearly destroyed the allegiance, comradeship, and friendships that exist in my home. Great was my anger, and needless to say, the thoughts and feelings that careened through my mind were for my knowledge only.
Friendships have been tested, tempers have flared, and though I often have the patience of the Dalai Lama himself, my limit was actually realized. I owe Mouse a huge debt, for hanging out with me and keeping me tethered to my own sanity during all this.
But, no more excuses. I now stand poised, and feel quite obligated to provide you with daily updates. These may be nothing but random musings and ramblings on slow days, but I promise them. That is, with the exceptions of days when I am out of town, with no connection to the almighty Internet.
Well, that finishes this announcement... 'Til tomorrow, loyal readers!
A number of events occurred one after another in this past month, and managed to snowball into what one of my friends would rather crudely classify as a "gestalt clusterfuck." The last of these events nearly destroyed the allegiance, comradeship, and friendships that exist in my home. Great was my anger, and needless to say, the thoughts and feelings that careened through my mind were for my knowledge only.
Friendships have been tested, tempers have flared, and though I often have the patience of the Dalai Lama himself, my limit was actually realized. I owe Mouse a huge debt, for hanging out with me and keeping me tethered to my own sanity during all this.
But, no more excuses. I now stand poised, and feel quite obligated to provide you with daily updates. These may be nothing but random musings and ramblings on slow days, but I promise them. That is, with the exceptions of days when I am out of town, with no connection to the almighty Internet.
Well, that finishes this announcement... 'Til tomorrow, loyal readers!
4.15.2006
Equivalency...
Sigh...
You know, I should abort my promises about posting regularly before they even formulate within my mind. Seriously, I honestly seem to post nearly daily whenever I don't plan for it... Maybe it's the fact that I feel more at ease to write when I know that I'm not going to be tethered by the obscene weight of a promise to report on every inconsequential and superfluous moment of my life...
Self-fulfilling prophecy, anyone? But, I digress from my main point...
The past week and a half has been a period of great personal discovery for myself. What we are apt to accept as the truth about our lives can often be discarded, only to discover that something far greater lies beneath that particular layer of reality.
However, even in such a positive turn of events, one must be cautious. I have taken things slowly, attempting to ensure that the mistakes of the past are not repeated. Thus far, though, things have exceeded even my expectations. And, it is my prediction that with luck, things shall continue on this ascent toward excellence. Right, Kristen?
And for those of you who I've thoroughly confused, I shall indulge your whims only once, and throw back the abstract shroud of ambiguity that is the mainstay of my blog.
I'm dating again...
But, the true subject that must be broached in this post, as I continue this diatribe about my own life, is friendship. Today marks the first of many days working alongside a person whom I regard as a very close friend. This is truly an unparalleled stroke of good fortune, as this particular friendship emerged from a very rocky start.
Also, it would seem that communications have been renewed with a friend with whom I not only have a great deal in common, but also could be a match for my sense of humor and my indeliable wit. Good to hear from you again, Megz. I'm sure that the good times will roll themselves out when you reach Kentucky.
Elsewhere, all does not bode well. Communications have all but ceased with one friend, whom I regard almost as a sibling. Though a physical gulf looms between the two of us, we always stayed in touch. Recently, though, it seems that I have been pushed to the side, to make way for a new order... Or, simply forgotten.
Another whom I hold in the highest regard and respect seems to only seek my company as a means to an end. My company seems only to last as long as my specific use or functionality in a number of situations. Once the situation has passed or has been dispelled, I am no longer desired.
It would seem that in this imperfect world, each positive value or experience must have a correlating negative.
Equivalent exchange... Such is the way of the world...
To quote Fullmetal Alchemist:
"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost."
How true those words seem to ring...
You know, I should abort my promises about posting regularly before they even formulate within my mind. Seriously, I honestly seem to post nearly daily whenever I don't plan for it... Maybe it's the fact that I feel more at ease to write when I know that I'm not going to be tethered by the obscene weight of a promise to report on every inconsequential and superfluous moment of my life...
Self-fulfilling prophecy, anyone? But, I digress from my main point...
The past week and a half has been a period of great personal discovery for myself. What we are apt to accept as the truth about our lives can often be discarded, only to discover that something far greater lies beneath that particular layer of reality.
However, even in such a positive turn of events, one must be cautious. I have taken things slowly, attempting to ensure that the mistakes of the past are not repeated. Thus far, though, things have exceeded even my expectations. And, it is my prediction that with luck, things shall continue on this ascent toward excellence. Right, Kristen?
And for those of you who I've thoroughly confused, I shall indulge your whims only once, and throw back the abstract shroud of ambiguity that is the mainstay of my blog.
I'm dating again...
But, the true subject that must be broached in this post, as I continue this diatribe about my own life, is friendship. Today marks the first of many days working alongside a person whom I regard as a very close friend. This is truly an unparalleled stroke of good fortune, as this particular friendship emerged from a very rocky start.
Also, it would seem that communications have been renewed with a friend with whom I not only have a great deal in common, but also could be a match for my sense of humor and my indeliable wit. Good to hear from you again, Megz. I'm sure that the good times will roll themselves out when you reach Kentucky.
Elsewhere, all does not bode well. Communications have all but ceased with one friend, whom I regard almost as a sibling. Though a physical gulf looms between the two of us, we always stayed in touch. Recently, though, it seems that I have been pushed to the side, to make way for a new order... Or, simply forgotten.
Another whom I hold in the highest regard and respect seems to only seek my company as a means to an end. My company seems only to last as long as my specific use or functionality in a number of situations. Once the situation has passed or has been dispelled, I am no longer desired.
It would seem that in this imperfect world, each positive value or experience must have a correlating negative.
Equivalent exchange... Such is the way of the world...
To quote Fullmetal Alchemist:
"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost."
How true those words seem to ring...
3.30.2006
Those who fight further...
I realize that it has been quite a while since my last update, and I do apologize to the loyal readers out there. The last little period in this concept we accept as time (Ask me about my theory on the cyclical nature of time one of these days when you have the opportunity...heh) has been an arduous and tedious portion of my journey of life. However, I have returned to the realm of blog updating at last.
Confusion and the unsuspecting nature of humankind lead to many of the problems and tribulations faced by both myself and many others. Like the ideas expressed in Neon Genesis Evangelion, one of the worst foes faced by a person is the unseen walls that shroud the hearts and minds of others. In truth, there is only one greater enemy in the unspoken hierarchy of opposition that an individual must face - that being the individual's own self.
But, I digress. The barriers that separate our thoughts from those of others, and the problems that often arise from them are the subject of this post.
A recent acquaintance, who after a long parlay and what seemed like a genuine interest in your humble narrator, now barely acknowledges the offerings of friendship presented to them. This has caused a great deal of perplexity, as the first chance encounter seemed to be a positive one, and the conversations that followed only added to that notion.
Also in my thoughts is what I would call a confirmed friendship. However, though we are friends, the strain from some unkown source seems to be slowly ripping the very fabric of that friendship asunder. As such, it seems that the only time that my company is desired is when my abilities and skills are desired. Something has to change, as such actions are truly offensive, especially in the guise and under the pretense of friendship.
So, yes, such events are troubling. But, I stand poised to move past these perceived insults to my character. If there is something of value to be preserved, then it must be proven. My patience has worn thin, and I must stride onward with confidence, knowing that if they do not do anything then there is no profound loss.
Across the mirrored plane, I have made a new friend with whom I have had many a great and interesting conversation. The humor and wit of this person is a match for my own, and I look forward to speaking with them again. I know they read this, so welcome into the inner circle of The Evans' acquaintances/friends...lol.
-This post marks not only the renewal of regular updates, but from this point my Blogger and MySpace blog entries will be synced (See, Nollard, I take your requests into consideration). Also, in return for a mention and fun joke within a friend's blog, this post is dedicated to she who uses the moniker "Sexy Madame." That is all, The Evans has spoken...heh.
Confusion and the unsuspecting nature of humankind lead to many of the problems and tribulations faced by both myself and many others. Like the ideas expressed in Neon Genesis Evangelion, one of the worst foes faced by a person is the unseen walls that shroud the hearts and minds of others. In truth, there is only one greater enemy in the unspoken hierarchy of opposition that an individual must face - that being the individual's own self.
But, I digress. The barriers that separate our thoughts from those of others, and the problems that often arise from them are the subject of this post.
A recent acquaintance, who after a long parlay and what seemed like a genuine interest in your humble narrator, now barely acknowledges the offerings of friendship presented to them. This has caused a great deal of perplexity, as the first chance encounter seemed to be a positive one, and the conversations that followed only added to that notion.
Also in my thoughts is what I would call a confirmed friendship. However, though we are friends, the strain from some unkown source seems to be slowly ripping the very fabric of that friendship asunder. As such, it seems that the only time that my company is desired is when my abilities and skills are desired. Something has to change, as such actions are truly offensive, especially in the guise and under the pretense of friendship.
So, yes, such events are troubling. But, I stand poised to move past these perceived insults to my character. If there is something of value to be preserved, then it must be proven. My patience has worn thin, and I must stride onward with confidence, knowing that if they do not do anything then there is no profound loss.
Across the mirrored plane, I have made a new friend with whom I have had many a great and interesting conversation. The humor and wit of this person is a match for my own, and I look forward to speaking with them again. I know they read this, so welcome into the inner circle of The Evans' acquaintances/friends...lol.
-This post marks not only the renewal of regular updates, but from this point my Blogger and MySpace blog entries will be synced (See, Nollard, I take your requests into consideration). Also, in return for a mention and fun joke within a friend's blog, this post is dedicated to she who uses the moniker "Sexy Madame." That is all, The Evans has spoken...heh.
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